We’re all familiar with that famous scene from Sex and the City where Berger does the unthinkable and breaks it to Charlotte that the guy she’s been having to chase so fervently isn’t busy–he’s just not interested. This went on to inspire the bestselling book and even a movie of the same name. While it may have been a painful realization, it helped millions of women stop chasing and start accepting.
What you may not realize is that this phenomenon doesn’t just apply to women…Men need help dealing with these maddeningly unavailable types as well. Women can play dating games just as well as guys can (oftentimes even better.) From a male’s perspective, it can be just as tricky to decipher whether a girl actually reciprocates his feelings or is just stringing him along. When pursuing a girl, a common issue that arises is her packed schedule. She maybe slammed at work, she has a crazy family life, and she’s trying to juggle a million projects. It’s tough to know if she’s being honest or just using this as a crutch.
Here are 5 ways to tell if she’s just not that into you.
1. You Put in All of the Effort
If you’re the one who’s putting in all the effort, chances are she’s just not that into you. You’re basically saying that it’s okay for her to sit back while you do all of the work. Relationships should always be a two-way street. If you’re the one traveling to her neighborhood or you’re the one always working around her schedule, then ask yourself if this is what you truly want in a partner?
2. She Never Gives an Alternative
Does this conversation sound familiar to you?
This just screams — She’s Just Not That Into You!!!
Bottom line: If she were interested, then she’d offer an alternative. You obviously can’t expect both of your schedules to always align or to be in the same neighborhood each and every weekend. But if she was actually into you, her response would go more like this:
If she never offers an alternative, then it’s time to stop chasing.
3. Never Initiates Texts or Phone Calls
This isn’t the Dark Ages. A guy should not be expected to initiate every conversation simply because he’s supposed the be the aggressor. That’s BS. Perhaps at the beginning, a girl will expect him to initiate texts and phone calls. But as you get closer, she needs to initiate conversations just as much you do. If you’re always the one who’s calling her or texting her “How was your day?” and “What’s going on tonight?” then chances are she’s just not that into you.
4. Put Yourself in Your Friends Shoes
It’s easy to spot when a girl isn’t into your friend. You always see the signs. Except, that is when it happens to you. You ignore the not so subtle signs. Pretend your friend is telling you about a girl who never makes an effort to see him and always uses her busy schedule as an excuse. What would you tell him? Sometimes when you’re in the thick of things it’s hard to see things as they really are. Look at your own relationship through the same lenses as you would your best friend.
5. Making Time for You
This may be a tough pill to swallow, but the bottom line is: If someone is truly into you, they will make the time to see you. They will travel to see you. They will move around their appointments, or maybe even shorten their workout just to fit you in. So if they say “I’m just busy” then 9 times out of 10 they are just not that into you.
A lack of reciprocity when courting a girl can be extremely frustrating. Some people find the “chase” the best. But at a certain point, you have to take a step back and ask yourself why you’re actually doing it. Some girls may play coy or “hard to get.” But there should be a point where those games dissipate and you get real. If she reciprocates your feelings, then she should let you know.
The reality is that there are over 3 billion women on earth. So what’s the point of being hooked one? Find someone who is responsive, available, and makes you a priority, and you’ll have no doubt that she’s truly into you as well.